I can breathe!

Both figuratively and literally  :)

I generally tend to get sick under three scenarios.  1) I am simply overtired and haven't been taking care of myself, 2) I have been dealt an emotional blow, or 3) when something stressful, even happy-stressful, is taking a lot of energy over a long period of time and suddenly it is over.

The first only makes sense.  If I don't get enough sleep, don't eat well, and generally don't take care of myself, what do I really expect...  The second, well, all I can say is that with every break-up that I've had and every child that left to an not-so-great situation, I got sick.  When things are out of control and it's breaking my heart, my immune system takes a blow.  It's true, often, I am up worrying or the like, and not sleeping as I should in these situations, sometimes not eating as I should, so I suppose that makes sense too - though it has happened even when I've kept my routine.  And the third, well, that's less explainable.  I feel like there is so much tension being build up and I am running on adrenaline until the big event happens - that when the even finally happens, my body lets down its defenses and lets in the germies.

And that is what happened on Wednesday.  I am elated by the election results.  I mean, I really did feel like I'd been holding my breath for the last several months, and finally, some time after the networks called it, I finally felt like I could breathe again.  When they first called it, I was unconvinced - in fact, I wished I'd been able to just go to sleep without watching any of the results come it - flashbacks to 2000 anyone...  but by 12:30 in the morning, I began to believe.  Began to relax.  And began to rejoice.  In my dreams, for I really was utterly exhausted.

While I was sleeping, the Wife remained awake and monitoring the remaining results roll in, and as she posted in the wee hours of Wednesday:

Reelected the 1st President ever who publicly supports marriage equality.
Passed marriage equality in ME in the first time by ballot initiative.
Approved marriage equality law in MD.
Approved marriage equality law in WA.
Defeated an anti-gay constitutional amendment for the 1st time in MN.
Elected the 1st openly LGBT US Senator.
Now, that's how to do an election! :D

And while I was overjoyed on waking, I couldn't really express it as I felt rather like I'd been hit by a semi. I dragged myself up and went to work nonetheless, though I admit I got little accomplished.  By the afternoon the mild headache had worsened, the stuffiness had turned into a full clogging, and I was regularly sneezing.  By evening I was a full-on faucet-face. This is not a pretty thing, people, I'll spare the details, but let's just say that nothing within my vicinity was free of germs.  I was in bed by 8:30, dosed up with Sudafed and a myriad of various herbs, tinctures and teas.  I woke feeling somewhat better, but by the time I got Mozart down to breakfast I was fairly miserable again.  I realized this when I looked up from my coffee and saw him mimicking me, head resting on hand, and groaning.  While that was way too cute, it made me understand just how bad it was.  And really, it would have been completely irresponsible to go to work and expose coworkers and clients alike to all of the germs going on.

So now here I am, wrapped up in a blanket, feeling much better than yesterday, but still trying to take it easy.  I'm looking around at the various messes that never seem to stop piling up and thinking I should do the dishes, sort through this pile or that, or clean out the fridge, and maybe I will, but for now I will finish this off and drink my tea with the knowledge that the tides are finally turning and there is hope that in the future we will be considered a bona fide family with the same rights and benefits that other families already have.

GO VOTE ~ Couple hours left people!

By the time I got to the computer last night, my thoughts were jumbled, my eyes were bleary, and my body was sending out signals of fatigue and alarm.  <-- not very conducive for getting my thoughts out. 

I hope I can put things together more coherently now.


I was up at 5am.  Before Mozart.  Maybe because of the time change, but more likely because of the importance this day holds.  I tried, unsuccessfully to get another hour of shut-eye, and finally got up and prepared for my day.  As I left, the Wife asks, "Why do you look so snazzy?"  I responded that, because today is such an important day I wanted to dress for the occasion.  That I'm feeling fragile today, like my world could fall apart if the outcome is not the one I would choose.  And on days like these, I need to give myself a little boost.

I got out of the house early.  Just after the polls opened.  As I arrived, the lot was full.  This always fills me with a touch of pride.  I notice several children walking in with their parents.  This also makes me appreciate our right to vote.  I have taken Mozart to the polls several times, though I didn't do so this morning.  He's at the age when he could be very distracting.  If the Wife votes after work, though, I will volunteer to go to the polls with her so Mozart can go and watch - and she can concentrate on the task at hand. Walking into the polls, there was a mom and her young son who were just behind me.  He was about four.  And he was having an absolute fit about having to go with her to vote.  Thinking I might help, I piped up and said, "Hey, this is important!  You are really lucky to be able to come watch your mom vote today."  She thanked me, but he was unimpressed and continued his whining, "I don't want to vote.  You always get your way.  It's not fair."  His mom did her best to, at first explain how important it was, and then finally just tell him that he needed to be quiet and chill out.

And as I think about that child's cry, I think that unfortunately, there are grown and capable citizens that are making the same argument, "I don't want to vote.  You always get your way.  It's not fair."

Well, guess what.  Voting is a right.  Just because you don't want to take the time to vote, or you don't think your vote counts, or you don't like your options, doesn't mean you get a free pass.  It's a right to vote and it's right to vote.  No, you don't always get your way, but if you don't vote, you can't say, "you always get your way," and have that truly mean anything.  If you haven't used the power behind your vote, then you can't really complain when you don't get your way.  And no, it's not always fair.  Citizens United and all the money that has been pumped into this election by corporations - it isn't fair.  Some say the Electoral College isn't fair, but it is the system we have.  And if you are a citizen of the United States, but have been convicted of a felony, in most states, you are not allowed to vote.  Same goes for those who received a Dishonorable Discharge from the military. It might not be fair. But that's the law and laws are made by the people who we, the citizens, vote into office.  Every single one of us given this right, should be invested in it.  From the beginning <-- and that means looking into who is running for public office on the town and county level, participating in primaries, AND voting in major elections. Know what the issues are, know where you stand on them, and where the candidates stand on them.  Vote for what you believe is right.  If your candidate didn't make it on the ballot, you have a choice.  You can write in your candidate's name, you can vote for the candidate that is listed that most closely resembles your beliefs, you can vote for what you feel is the lesser of two evils, or you can even leave it blank indicating no confidence.  But just vote.  I believe, that like some countries, there should be compulsory voting, but it's not mandatory here.  It's a right and it's our civic responsibility.

So I've said my piece. And I voted.  I voted with my heart and with my conscience.  I voted for Barack Obama because on nearly every issue that I can think of, he more closely holds, and often has acted on, my beliefs than the other viable candidate for this election.  Yes, he is still a politician.  He wouldn't be on the ballot if he wasn't.  And it's true that I don't agree with him on every issue (he will hear from me on these).  It's also true that I *may* agree more fully with Jill Stein of the Green Party, but when she (or any candidate) wasn't included in the debates and I've not seen or heard *any* airtime about her, when relatively few people know who she is or what she stands for, and when she is not even on the ballot in 14 states, I don't feel that she is a viable option.  So not only do I believe that Obama is the better candidate for our economy (yes, I do believe that - he did not put us in this situation, the previous administration with similar policies that the opposition has did), that he is the better candidate for equal rights (for women, people of color and LGBT individuals and families), that he is the better candidate when it comes to considering our health care, social security, and the welfare of all people, and that he can better represent the United States in the foreign arena without alienating other countries or instigating unnecessary war, but I also believe that he has a good shot at winning this thing.

Not to mention, I'm just a wee bit terrified about the prospect of the other guy - one who discounts 47% of the population, thinks of women and minorities as less than, and believes that my family is not real and that my marriage should be nullified - getting elected...

So now I wait, along with the rest of the nation, to find out how hard we are going to have to fight.  The fight, you see, will not stop. We've been fighting to regain the ground we lost in the Bush era, we've been fighting for equal rights, and we've been fighting for our politicians to work together - and our President has been fighting with us.  I hope we can keep that fight going, and not have to fight off a president that would take it all away.

Pre-Election Disjointed Jitters

When I picked up Mozart today, the daycare provider asked me if I was ok. Said I looked stressed.  Said I've looked stressed for awhile now.  And yes, between the roof (still pending), the care (yipee - all set), the water heater (ugh) and Sandy impending arrival and now continuing to hear about the aftermath, yeah I'm stressed.  But really, what has me most stressed is these elections.  And I don't even watch t.v., so I don't hear but a fraction of the BS that flying around out there on the airwaves.

I'd like to be eloquent about how I feel right now, but I'm afraid that likely won't be possible.  I am baffled that people are seeming to fall for what the Romney campaign is putting out there as a solution.  While he seems to talk out both sides of his mouth, makes stuff up, and dismiss nearly half of our population, people are still considering him a viable option.  And the people here in Massachusetts - shouldn't we all remember what it was like under him.  How he was anything but a bridge-builder.

And frankly,  I'm scared.  Scared that just when I thought that maybe, just maybe sometime in the near future our family will be considered a real and legitimate family, that it could all be taken away from us.   So yeah, I'm stressed.

And also, I have to say, that I'm feeling a bit betrayed by some people that I thought had our back.  You know, when a person professes to be a friend, but then wants to vote for someone who would take your rights away - and their rights away, too!  I'm not just talking about rich, white guys wanting to vote for Romney - shoot, I don't even know many of those - I'm talking about women.  Several of them.  And yes, even some LGBT folks.  It leaves me numb and speechless.

So if your reading this, tomorrow is election day. Please go to the polls and vote for a better future. For all of us, including women and the LGBT community. For we deserve to be equal citizens. And please know that your vote does count. It is worth the time and energy. For most of us it will be a matter of minutes, but it is also worth the hours some are waiting. If you don't have a ride, ask for one.

You are an American.  Act like it.