What a day.

This morning at work I had someone yell at me for 35 minutes because I tried to help them.  Later I held a woman's hand for an hour while she battled against the voices in her head that were telling her to kill herself.  While I deal with unhappy family members and psychotic patients on a regular basis, today was a special kind of challenge.

I still feel somewhat on edge about the whole thing, but when I finally got to sit down and relax, I was heartened that I see so much in the way of visual support throughout my Facebook feed. 

For those who don't know yet, this symbol represents marriage equality, and the reason it's such a big deal right now is that the Supreme Court is deciding whether families like mine will be legitimate in the eyes of the California (by repealing Prop 8) and the Federal Government (by repealing DOMA).  These two historic marriage equality cases are being heard today and tomorrow, and though they will not actually reach a ruling until summer, but this is big. 

While the Wife and I are legally married where we live, we are not a legitimate family in the eyes of the Federal Government.  We think twice about going on vacation and have had to hire a lawyer to ensure that we have visitation rights in the hospital for each other or Mozart. We also have drawn up papers to ensure that the Wife will get custody of Mozart should I die.  We have a supportive family, and I wouldn't foresee any problems in this area, but better safe than sorry.  There are some areas, though, that we cannot fix by going to a lawyer. The organization I work for does not acknowledge my family, and while I can get benefits for Mozart, I cannot do so for my wife. We could not benefit from veterans benefits that I should have been able to use that would have helped us tremendously in buying and refinancing our house.  If either of us died before the other, the survivor could not collect Social Security that any heterosexelly-married widow would receive. 

I could go on and on and on about the 1138 federal marriage rights that the Wife and I don't have in the eyes of our government even thought we are legally married in our state.  Here is a link to a list of just 35 of those rights.  It's something to ponder if you haven't already. 

The rise and fall of Turkey Day

As I sit here at home this Black Friday, as I do every Black Friday, I am thinking - once again - about the loss of meaning of Thanksgiving.  And frankly, the complete overtake of commercialism.  I understand that the day after Thanksgiving is a good time to start the Christmas/holiday shopping.  That part, I get.  What I don't get is the want to go out into throngs of crazed people at unmentionable hours to get that start.   That's just not me.   To me, that sounds miserable.  Especially after spending the last week to 24 hours preparing for the festivities and family that accompany Thanksgiving.

I didn't grow up in an overly ceremonial family, but we had respect for the meanings of the holiday.  And even if we didn't celebrate some holidays in the same way as other (I'm thinking Christmas here), we still considered it a sacred time to spend with family and friends.  Thanksgiving used to mean something to the population in general, as well.  From the time we were little we were taught that the holiday's origin was one based in giving thanks.  Growing up and at school, we made Trees of Thanks and enacted the first Thanksgiving meal so that we could appreciate all that we have to be thankful for.  But somewhere along the line much of that got lost.  It's true, I have quite a few friends on Facebook who've set out to post at least one thing they are thankful for every day this month.  But aside from that, what have I heard most about Thanksgiving this year?   
                                                                          
That's right.  Shopping.

Not that we all don't hear a ridiculous amount about it every Thanksgiving - or any day of the year, for that matter.  But this year it seems just completely over the top.  It was bad enough a couple years ago when the stores started opening at midnight after Thanksgiving.  When that happened I just shook my head.  Felt sorry for the workers who would clearly have to cut the festivities short the night before or go unslept.  And sorry for the people who felt so driven by the impulse to buy that they are compelled to line up for hours on end to fight crowds of equally bleary-eyed and crazed people for those three Tickle-Me-Elmo's that were on sale.

But now.  NOW!  The stores have crossed a line in my opinion.  I understand that some people have to work on Thanksgiving.  I have been that person.  People in healthcare, public safety, and transportation have to work.  But can't we just leave one day sacred for being thankful for WHAT WE HAVE instead of being so BLOODY FOCUSED on WHAT WE WANT!!

On that note, I am thankful for my family.   For as much as our relationship isn't perfect, I am truly blessed to have the Wife.  And Mozart.  Ahhh, what can I say, that child is the light of my life.  Every day.  I am thankful for my parents, who live afar, but are still so much a part of our lives.  My sister, Globetrotter, who is back in-country and who I don't see nearly enough of, but who will be coming out for Christmas.  I am thankful that I have in-laws who aren't any more coo-coo than my own family, and who live close enough to share these holidays with.  I am thankful to be employed!  Oh yes!  I don't have the perfect job, and sometimes I really wish I had another what with workplace politics, but I HAVE A JOB!  And I do have a fairly fantastic boss and some really great co-workers.  I am thankful that we live in the area that we live in - this little town has nearly everything I could want.  And what I can't find hear is just a half an hour away in the next little town that I love.  I am thankful that we were finally able to refinance our house and that we were able to get a new car and a new roof! I am thankful that my feet are beginning to feel better and I'll soon be able to be more active.  I am thankful for technology - the internet, cell phones, my Kindle, GPS...

The list could go on forever, but I'll stop there.  Rather than going around the table, my mom-in-law said a prayer of thanks this year, but I still feel it's important to voice some of what I'm thankful for.  We hosted this year.  Mom-in-law brought the pies.  Dad-in-law funded the turkey.  Mme. Child brought individual harvest pot pies.  The Wife cleaned the house top to bottom.  Mozart brought the cuteness.  I did the turkey, stuffing, cranberry relish, sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes.  And it was good.  In Mme. Child's words, "the best turkey I've ever had," which I take as the highest complement.

All in all, I am thankful.

I can breathe!

Both figuratively and literally  :)

I generally tend to get sick under three scenarios.  1) I am simply overtired and haven't been taking care of myself, 2) I have been dealt an emotional blow, or 3) when something stressful, even happy-stressful, is taking a lot of energy over a long period of time and suddenly it is over.

The first only makes sense.  If I don't get enough sleep, don't eat well, and generally don't take care of myself, what do I really expect...  The second, well, all I can say is that with every break-up that I've had and every child that left to an not-so-great situation, I got sick.  When things are out of control and it's breaking my heart, my immune system takes a blow.  It's true, often, I am up worrying or the like, and not sleeping as I should in these situations, sometimes not eating as I should, so I suppose that makes sense too - though it has happened even when I've kept my routine.  And the third, well, that's less explainable.  I feel like there is so much tension being build up and I am running on adrenaline until the big event happens - that when the even finally happens, my body lets down its defenses and lets in the germies.

And that is what happened on Wednesday.  I am elated by the election results.  I mean, I really did feel like I'd been holding my breath for the last several months, and finally, some time after the networks called it, I finally felt like I could breathe again.  When they first called it, I was unconvinced - in fact, I wished I'd been able to just go to sleep without watching any of the results come it - flashbacks to 2000 anyone...  but by 12:30 in the morning, I began to believe.  Began to relax.  And began to rejoice.  In my dreams, for I really was utterly exhausted.

While I was sleeping, the Wife remained awake and monitoring the remaining results roll in, and as she posted in the wee hours of Wednesday:

Reelected the 1st President ever who publicly supports marriage equality.
Passed marriage equality in ME in the first time by ballot initiative.
Approved marriage equality law in MD.
Approved marriage equality law in WA.
Defeated an anti-gay constitutional amendment for the 1st time in MN.
Elected the 1st openly LGBT US Senator.
Now, that's how to do an election! :D

And while I was overjoyed on waking, I couldn't really express it as I felt rather like I'd been hit by a semi. I dragged myself up and went to work nonetheless, though I admit I got little accomplished.  By the afternoon the mild headache had worsened, the stuffiness had turned into a full clogging, and I was regularly sneezing.  By evening I was a full-on faucet-face. This is not a pretty thing, people, I'll spare the details, but let's just say that nothing within my vicinity was free of germs.  I was in bed by 8:30, dosed up with Sudafed and a myriad of various herbs, tinctures and teas.  I woke feeling somewhat better, but by the time I got Mozart down to breakfast I was fairly miserable again.  I realized this when I looked up from my coffee and saw him mimicking me, head resting on hand, and groaning.  While that was way too cute, it made me understand just how bad it was.  And really, it would have been completely irresponsible to go to work and expose coworkers and clients alike to all of the germs going on.

So now here I am, wrapped up in a blanket, feeling much better than yesterday, but still trying to take it easy.  I'm looking around at the various messes that never seem to stop piling up and thinking I should do the dishes, sort through this pile or that, or clean out the fridge, and maybe I will, but for now I will finish this off and drink my tea with the knowledge that the tides are finally turning and there is hope that in the future we will be considered a bona fide family with the same rights and benefits that other families already have.

Pre-Election Disjointed Jitters

When I picked up Mozart today, the daycare provider asked me if I was ok. Said I looked stressed.  Said I've looked stressed for awhile now.  And yes, between the roof (still pending), the care (yipee - all set), the water heater (ugh) and Sandy impending arrival and now continuing to hear about the aftermath, yeah I'm stressed.  But really, what has me most stressed is these elections.  And I don't even watch t.v., so I don't hear but a fraction of the BS that flying around out there on the airwaves.

I'd like to be eloquent about how I feel right now, but I'm afraid that likely won't be possible.  I am baffled that people are seeming to fall for what the Romney campaign is putting out there as a solution.  While he seems to talk out both sides of his mouth, makes stuff up, and dismiss nearly half of our population, people are still considering him a viable option.  And the people here in Massachusetts - shouldn't we all remember what it was like under him.  How he was anything but a bridge-builder.

And frankly,  I'm scared.  Scared that just when I thought that maybe, just maybe sometime in the near future our family will be considered a real and legitimate family, that it could all be taken away from us.   So yeah, I'm stressed.

And also, I have to say, that I'm feeling a bit betrayed by some people that I thought had our back.  You know, when a person professes to be a friend, but then wants to vote for someone who would take your rights away - and their rights away, too!  I'm not just talking about rich, white guys wanting to vote for Romney - shoot, I don't even know many of those - I'm talking about women.  Several of them.  And yes, even some LGBT folks.  It leaves me numb and speechless.

So if your reading this, tomorrow is election day. Please go to the polls and vote for a better future. For all of us, including women and the LGBT community. For we deserve to be equal citizens. And please know that your vote does count. It is worth the time and energy. For most of us it will be a matter of minutes, but it is also worth the hours some are waiting. If you don't have a ride, ask for one.

You are an American.  Act like it.