What a day.

This morning at work I had someone yell at me for 35 minutes because I tried to help them.  Later I held a woman's hand for an hour while she battled against the voices in her head that were telling her to kill herself.  While I deal with unhappy family members and psychotic patients on a regular basis, today was a special kind of challenge.

I still feel somewhat on edge about the whole thing, but when I finally got to sit down and relax, I was heartened that I see so much in the way of visual support throughout my Facebook feed. 

For those who don't know yet, this symbol represents marriage equality, and the reason it's such a big deal right now is that the Supreme Court is deciding whether families like mine will be legitimate in the eyes of the California (by repealing Prop 8) and the Federal Government (by repealing DOMA).  These two historic marriage equality cases are being heard today and tomorrow, and though they will not actually reach a ruling until summer, but this is big. 

While the Wife and I are legally married where we live, we are not a legitimate family in the eyes of the Federal Government.  We think twice about going on vacation and have had to hire a lawyer to ensure that we have visitation rights in the hospital for each other or Mozart. We also have drawn up papers to ensure that the Wife will get custody of Mozart should I die.  We have a supportive family, and I wouldn't foresee any problems in this area, but better safe than sorry.  There are some areas, though, that we cannot fix by going to a lawyer. The organization I work for does not acknowledge my family, and while I can get benefits for Mozart, I cannot do so for my wife. We could not benefit from veterans benefits that I should have been able to use that would have helped us tremendously in buying and refinancing our house.  If either of us died before the other, the survivor could not collect Social Security that any heterosexelly-married widow would receive. 

I could go on and on and on about the 1138 federal marriage rights that the Wife and I don't have in the eyes of our government even thought we are legally married in our state.  Here is a link to a list of just 35 of those rights.  It's something to ponder if you haven't already. 

Take Two

I felt bad that we didn't invite Prancer to Mozart's party with the rest of the family, but after the last two shin-digs we had with him, I just didn't feel up to being a referee for the event.  Instead, we did a 2nd party, with just Prancer and Goose (and of course, Mme. Child) invited.  I'd saved the last two cars on the original party's cakes in the freezer and grabbed a banana bread from the local grocery to  fashion the engine once again.  Prancer directed me and helped in the decorating and he declared it was the "BEST PARTY EVER!" 

Prancer is, how shall I say... Highly spirited.  He always has been, and some of it is simply biological for him.  He is a kid that does much, much better when he is provided with lots of structure.  We were able to do this to a large extent when he lived with us, but mix up the days events or start to get loosey goosey with him and all hell broke loose.  Well, I don't know what goes on when he is at home, but I'm guessing the structure is just not there.  He has been tried on a myriad of ADHD meds with little to no effect and the situation has only gotten worse - to the point of now having a diagnosis of ODD.  Mmmm, fun stuff.  When he comes over he is like a whirlwind of destruction.  Inevitably I have to redirect him away from destroying something or hurting someone.  Today I got a "hug" that was meant to harm and Goose got smacked in the eye.  The former was clearly intentional, the latter I don't think was.  I did manage to keep Mozart from bodily harm and none of his toys got broken this time, so it wasn't too bad, but at the end of two hours I had had it.

And that makes me feel rather like crap.  I want to be there for this kid.  I want to be a piece of stability in his world.  I want to show him unconditional love and be an example for him.  But I also want to protect Mozart.  Mozart adores Prancer.  He is absolutely thrilled when he comes over, but Prancer doesn't know his own strength, and whether intentional or not, he can easily hurt him.  Sometimes - most of the time - it is just that Prancer is not aware of his strength or the boundaries of space that are needed to keep people safe, but sometimes Prancer's actions are purposeful.   

I remember when Prancer was just a touch older than Mozart.  We'd had Prancer for awhile, and had gotten another foster placement as well.  The other boy (Taz) was four, but violent beyond his years.  He was placed with us after stabbing his sister with a knitting needle (she was ok, but they needed to be separated).  We kept a close eye on both boys when they played together, but work needs to get done.  They were in the playroom one day, which is adjacent to the kitchen, and I was doing dishes - checking on them every few minutes.  All was going well enough, and then when I checked on them again I saw that Taz was holding Prancer in the air by the neck.  Yeah, so after that we didn't let them play alone at all.  Makes life challenging to say the least. 

What I'm getting at, is that I am feeling the same protectiveness over Mozart when Prancer visits that I did over Prancer when Taz was with us.  We haven't had a fully relaxing visit in some time, we need to be constantly vigilant, and then after Prancer goes home, Mozart's spends the next several hours mimicking Prancer's crash-into-everything-because-I-can behaviors. 

And, oh, how sugar does not help!  We will still have Prancer's birthday party come August, but aside from birthdays, we are going to be a sugar-free zone for every visit.  That will help a little....  Any suggestions on managing this are welcome. 

I haven't slept well since I tumbled down the stairs.  The back pain is mostly gone during the day, but has woken me up multiple times every night.  It has traveled.  While the chiropractor diagnosed a sprained lower back, the pain seems to have traveled upwards and settled, sharply, between my shoulder blades.  Perhaps it's the lack of sleep, or maybe I was harboring it all along, but I now have an incredible cold.  Once again, I am stuffy-faced, drippy-nosed, and fully wiped out.

And then the Wife woke up with the stomach bug or flu or something.  

Mozart is still going full force.  He chatters nonstop.  It is tiring, but completely endearing.

We've got two days to gather our health together before Prancer and Goose come over for Round Two of Mozart's birthday.  May the stars be with us.

Amazing.

 

We had Mozart's 2nd birthday party this morning.  It all kind of snuck up on us.  I mean, I knew his birthday was coming, but I think I was in denial.  And full force denial apparently, because while I had put some small ponderings into what I'd do for a cake, I wasn't really inspired.  He likes carrots, so I figured carrot cake.  He likes trains and tractors, and the train option seemed easier, so I figured I'd do that.

I bought the ingredients yesterday morning, but kept putting it off.  Finally at 7:45 pm, I could do so no longer.  The mixing went well, as did the baking.  So I thought.  I put the cakes in the freezer  for 45 minutes like I did with his cake last year because I was so impressed with how that came out and started the frosting.  Got into watching Rachel Maddow, and while the cakes were out of the freezer, I still hadn't arranged them or started with the decorating.  I was only going to set it up and do the crumb coat, so while it was nearing 11pm, I figured as I began to arrange the loaves in the shape of the train cars, that I'd still get to bed by 11:30. 

And then I cut one of the loaves in half.  And the middle ran out.  It was not just gooey on the inside, it was the same batter that I mixed in the bowl.  I followed the recipe exactly, but I forgot the very crucial step of sticking the cakes with a toothpick to ensure doneness.  Fool. 

(You'll notice that I am not including this recipe for your enjoyment - it is clearly way off.)

In a panic, I posted on Facebook for advice and then immediately did as much online cake rescuing research as I could.  My advice, from who else but Cake Master, and from Dr. Google coincided.  I cranked up the heat 25 degrees higher than the recipe called for and put it in for 15 minute and then checked it, and put it back in for two more rounds of 10 minutes.  That's 35 minutes extra baking.  The original recipe called for 30 minute!  *le sigh* 

So it was midnight before I set the cakes to cool  for the night.  No crumb coat - they were still steaming.  So instead of having the regular birthday spiel with a decorated cake to present, we had a let's-decorate-this-train-cake party. I do not have photos of the decoration process, but it was a great collaboration.  While Cake Master and I frosted the cars, the Wife ran out to get some last minute things. *

The boys helped pick the colors, sample the decorations, and add cargo to the cars.  It was a big hit.  Mozart was beside himself with excitement over the whole thing.  I mean he was excited when the nekkid undecorated cake came out, but when the colors, WHEELS, and cargo got added, WHOA!!

So all in all, even though we were rather ill prepared - especially if comparing to last year - and even though we completely forgot candles (Grammie ran out to get those), it all turned out amazingly well.  We all enjoyed ourselves and most importantly, Mozart had a blast.   And, I've got a head start on next week's party when we invite Prancer and Goose over!  

* Post note.  You will notice a decidedly "Thomas the Tank Engine" theme here.  Neither the Wife nor I like to support licensed characters in general, but Mozart simply adores Thomas - which he pronounces Tomas - and this morning when I was pondering what he should wear, he had an opinion.  No, he had an obsession, to wear his Thomas pajamas.  I could not talk him out of it.  Nor could I even talk him out of putting a shirt on under or a sweatshirt over the t-shirt of the jammies.  So as Thomas paper-ware was readily available, and she knew it would make him happy (Understatement. Clearly.), she caved. 

Tumble, Crash, Splash.

I was doing so good yesterday.  I'd made a resolution to take a walk with Mozart, whenever weather permits, when we get home each evening now that it is light later.  We walked downtown at a brisk pace and while I am clearly out of practice in the fitness department, neither my feet nor my undercarriage were acting up and we got home tired but feeling energized and refreshed.

I made pasta for dinner, we ate, and then I ran upstairs to grab the wipes to clean up Mozart's pasta face.  Still feeling fine, I came down the stairs and I don't know what the fudge happened, but somehow I ended up taking a fantastically dramatic tumble down those last two steps.  I yelped.  Mozart began crying because he didn't know what what going on and I said repeatedly, "I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok."  The wife came rushing to ensure that I actually was ok and finding no broken bones, quickly scolded me for falling and reminded me that we can't afford to give the chiropractor any more money.

At first I thought I'd sprained both ankles and my wrist.  My shoulder smarted pretty bad and my elbow was turning purple.  My leg had an unfortunate and sporadic shooting pain and my back and neck just felt out of joint.  After receiving kisses from Mozart on my elbow, though, I thought I'd be ok and counted my blessings.

Then I slept like utter crap.  Mozart woke up an hour early.  And I woke up feeling sore all over and with a headache.  The same pelvic floor pain that I was plagued with for months and months after I had Mozart seemed to be back. And it was apparent that my little tumble had sent me crashing into a most unpleasant place.  The wife reminded me to take something and I dosed myself with Motrin and went off to work.  Before I got to my office I had - count them - FOUR coworkers remark on how exhausted/terrible/sick/cranky I looked.  Thanks. When one of said coworkers pointed out that I hadn't done something that was due today (note - I was not notified that said task was due as I was in a mandatory training and not at the meeting when it was announced), tears sprang to my eyes.

I got an appointment with the forbidden chiropractor and went in.  Turns out I've sprained my lower back and shoulder.  My wrist and neck are not sprained but just jammed up.  I have another appointment tomorrow.

On the exceedingly bright side, though, our water heater was installed after work today and so FINALLY we can bathe IN OUR OWN HOME and WITH HOT WATER. Yeah!!   

*SPLASH!*

Day 10, 2 to go.

Hopefully. 

We've been without hot water for ten days now.  I bought the water heater, and now we just need to wait for the plumber to be available.  This will be Sunday.  We hope. 

I want a shower. Without having to pack a bag and in my own bathroom. 

That is all.

Talking points. Or something.

Last night Mozart had a snack.  Raisins.  His favorite.  We put it in a snack cup with a top that discourages his snack from jumping out onto the floor. 

Meanwhile we were making dinner and a pie.  Finishing his snack, he brings his cup into the kitchen, presents it, and says, "Big kids.  Cup."  We took the cup, explaining that he could have a big kids cup for his next snack - tomorrow.  This was very upsetting.  He continued to repeat, ad nauseum, that he wanted a big kids cup.  Sometimes this demand was punctuated with a, "Now!" And all the while he was pointing up towards the counter where we had put his decidedly un-big-kids-cup. 

Finally, just when we were deciding that we needed to consult with the daycare about what he could mean, I cracked the code.  Also up on the counter, where his snack cup sat, was the mixing bowl with the pie mixture.  This is the bowl that I usually make BISCUITS in!  Aha!

That's entertainment!?

Prancer came over this afternoon.  He took about an hour and a half to settle down, but finally - only after threatening to send him home if he couldn't be nice to everyone in the house - we got him and Mozart settled in with popcorn to watch Mouse. 

The wife and I then sat for a moment to enjoy our own popcorn, but not wanting to distract the boys with our own video we stood to investigate the what was going on with the cop car parked on our street.  Uh.  Three cop cars.  Er, no wait, FIVE cop cars.   We stood dumbfounded.

The cops emerged from the cars, and guns drawn - oh, yes guns drawn(!!) - they descended on the house across the street.  We pulled the blinds so the boys wouldn't see what what going on should they get up from their movie-watching, and then we sat, side by side and cross-legged on the floor with our popcorn so we could just see over the window sill, but hopefully, no get shot should a stray bullet fly!  Seriously!  In our neighborhood?? 

I'm all for keeping it exciting, but I could REALLY do without that kind of action on a Sunday afternoon!