Take Two

I felt bad that we didn't invite Prancer to Mozart's party with the rest of the family, but after the last two shin-digs we had with him, I just didn't feel up to being a referee for the event.  Instead, we did a 2nd party, with just Prancer and Goose (and of course, Mme. Child) invited.  I'd saved the last two cars on the original party's cakes in the freezer and grabbed a banana bread from the local grocery to  fashion the engine once again.  Prancer directed me and helped in the decorating and he declared it was the "BEST PARTY EVER!" 

Prancer is, how shall I say... Highly spirited.  He always has been, and some of it is simply biological for him.  He is a kid that does much, much better when he is provided with lots of structure.  We were able to do this to a large extent when he lived with us, but mix up the days events or start to get loosey goosey with him and all hell broke loose.  Well, I don't know what goes on when he is at home, but I'm guessing the structure is just not there.  He has been tried on a myriad of ADHD meds with little to no effect and the situation has only gotten worse - to the point of now having a diagnosis of ODD.  Mmmm, fun stuff.  When he comes over he is like a whirlwind of destruction.  Inevitably I have to redirect him away from destroying something or hurting someone.  Today I got a "hug" that was meant to harm and Goose got smacked in the eye.  The former was clearly intentional, the latter I don't think was.  I did manage to keep Mozart from bodily harm and none of his toys got broken this time, so it wasn't too bad, but at the end of two hours I had had it.

And that makes me feel rather like crap.  I want to be there for this kid.  I want to be a piece of stability in his world.  I want to show him unconditional love and be an example for him.  But I also want to protect Mozart.  Mozart adores Prancer.  He is absolutely thrilled when he comes over, but Prancer doesn't know his own strength, and whether intentional or not, he can easily hurt him.  Sometimes - most of the time - it is just that Prancer is not aware of his strength or the boundaries of space that are needed to keep people safe, but sometimes Prancer's actions are purposeful.   

I remember when Prancer was just a touch older than Mozart.  We'd had Prancer for awhile, and had gotten another foster placement as well.  The other boy (Taz) was four, but violent beyond his years.  He was placed with us after stabbing his sister with a knitting needle (she was ok, but they needed to be separated).  We kept a close eye on both boys when they played together, but work needs to get done.  They were in the playroom one day, which is adjacent to the kitchen, and I was doing dishes - checking on them every few minutes.  All was going well enough, and then when I checked on them again I saw that Taz was holding Prancer in the air by the neck.  Yeah, so after that we didn't let them play alone at all.  Makes life challenging to say the least. 

What I'm getting at, is that I am feeling the same protectiveness over Mozart when Prancer visits that I did over Prancer when Taz was with us.  We haven't had a fully relaxing visit in some time, we need to be constantly vigilant, and then after Prancer goes home, Mozart's spends the next several hours mimicking Prancer's crash-into-everything-because-I-can behaviors. 

And, oh, how sugar does not help!  We will still have Prancer's birthday party come August, but aside from birthdays, we are going to be a sugar-free zone for every visit.  That will help a little....  Any suggestions on managing this are welcome.